a Christmas gift I didn't want

This past Friday was a wreck of a day. I tripped a breaker in the apartment, but I thought it was a larger issue and snapped at my guy, and at the apartment people. I got yelled at by one of the shareholders. I was worrying over something important I needed to discuss with my guy, but couldn't quite decide on the best way to bring it up. All in all, just a craptacular kind of a day.

So when I turned to a girl friend for some empathy and advice, I wasn't expecting it to turn into a giant misunderstanding and a fight. But it did, and it kept getting worse until I finally had to tell her I was just going to stop responding to her messages because I was apparently just saying the wrong things. I guess that was the wrong thing to say too, since the gist of her last message was that in her eyes, our friendship has gone full circle and we're once again enemies, and now I'm free to talk all the shit about her I want.

I'm not really sure what exactly happened, to be honest. I know it was a misunderstanding, thats pretty damn obvious. I tried to apologize twice, but I don't get why she's not accepting or really believing the apology. Its almost as if she's never truly believed I was her friend, despite all the times I've been there for her. Its a slap in the face, and I have absolutely no idea what to do or even say. Whats the point of another apology, when she won't accept the first 2? What would I even be apologizing for at this point? Things she's imagining? I don't believe I wronged her as badly as she says I did, because she interpreted what I wrote to be something I did not intend it to be.

I guess what makes me feel the worst is that I'm feeling so unmotivated to actually DO something about fixing this friendship, like maybe I was looking for a way out all along. I love this girl, but she can be a hard girl to get along with. Moody, overly sensitive, demanding, plus she fights with her man in front of me all the time and its so uncomfortable. All the same, she's fucking hilarious, a good listener, generous, and thoughtful. Its not the first time I've lost a friend, but its definitely the first time I've lost one right before Christmas.

Thanks Santa, I appreciate it.