confidence lacking

so here i am, end of week 3 of my unemployment and everybody but me seems to think that good things are just around the corner.

i did get an offer, a really good one; great pay, great benefits, great location, no weekend hours. all that stands between me and sweet sweet employment is passing a drug test. i did my best and stopped smoking, but it takes a while you know for MJ to get out of your system and the worrying and waiting to hear the results is killing me. i told my mom i'm sure i'll have a few new gray hairs by this next tuesday. i just pray that everything i did to clean out was enough. i want this job so desperately i can taste it. its not a good taste, at least not yet. and if i fail the test, its going to be bitter.

at least chris said he'd still love me even if i failed. i'm just not sure if i'll still love me.

a new year starts off pretty damn queer

Happy New Year to everybody! I hope your party was as rocking as ours was :) At least this time I had a damn good reason to get as blitzed as I did (which, suprisingly, wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to get lol). See, I got laid off on NYE; financial cutbacks and I'm "too smart for the position anyways, and we both knew this was never a career choice for you Alexis, but we're still sorry to see you go" and you know how it goes. I got a severance check and to leave early, but yeah, it sucked big time. I've never been laid off before, and I certainly wasn't expecting that to happen so I felt like one big loser for a few hours that day. Its weird though, because none of it felt REAL until yesterday morning. I felt okay all weekend, but in the back of my mind I was dreading Monday because I knew I wouldn't have work to wake up for. My guy has Mondays off from his job so I was kinda nervous about staying home wtih him, mostly because its not like I was having a day off from work. I was unemployed now. He's been really great about the whole thing but I know I really need to bust my hump to find another job soon. There's only so much savings to burn through, you know?

My migraine's have been happening pretty damn frequently again as of late, and part of it is my fault but I know a lot of it has to do with stressors from outside influences. The holidays plus my recent layoff have really messed with my routine so I'm off my pill schedule, as well as not working out at all. I should have gone to the gym today, but its even harder to motivate myself in the winter! Ugh, soo cold and all I want to do is wrap up in layers and snuggle in bed and read a good book! I guess maybe for now I could compromise with myself and work out at home, but I'd also need to adjust my diet and smoking. Another issue is that I'm not drinking the right amount of water every day. I guess now that I'm not working and walking around all day I'm not as thirsty, but I need to start forcing myself again to drink the right amount. Sleep is another problem; I'm not getting enough hours every night, nor am I adhereing to a regular schedule. Stress over money is a HUGE one, one which causes knots in my neck and shoulders that can result in tension migraines. Bleh. Juggling man. Drop one ball and you drop them all.