WARNING: this post contains talk about poo

Dear God in Heaven, what I'd give to be regular right about now! I think its been a good 10 days since I've had a nice solid poo come out of me. Yeah, its a gross topic but hell, its a necessary thing to do everyday. Everybody's gotta poo, and when you don't you get gassy, cramps, irritable, acne, bloated, and just an overall feeling of ickiness.

Part of the problem is my diet, I'll admit it. I don't eat very well; I'm a junk food junkie and have one hell of a time remembering that I'm supposed to eat veggies and fruit, although I don't hate them (unlike my boyfriend, good god you should have seen the performance he put on when i tried to get him to eat peas!). The bigger problem, however, is the Verapamil I take for the migraines. One side effect is constipation and there are times, like right now for instance, where it is just too damn much to handle.

I am miserable :(

Its not so much the fact that I'm not going #2 regularly, as much as it is that this is such an embarrassing problem and one that I am ashamed to tell my boyfriend about. This past Friday was probably the worst day thus far in the Constipation Saga; in an effort to FORCE it all out of me, I drank a cup of this tea my acupuncturist gave me thats supposed to get things moving PLUS two cups of strong coffee but it didn't do much until the very end of the day. All of a sudden, things were screaming to get out of me. I was cramping so bad I was literally running to the bathroom, and thank goodness nobody else was in there to hear what went on. Lets just say it wasn't pretty, and it left me really upset and in a lot of pain still. I knew me and my guy had plans to go to the movies later that night, and when I left work that day I was praying he hadn't gone to pick up the tickets early as I was no longer in the mood for a movie. No such luck. I've never been so bummed about a sweet gesture in my life. I actually went and locked myself in the bathroom and cried, thinking about how I was gonna make it through this movie without embarrassing myself in front of my perfect boyfriend, who in two years of being together has yet to even accidentally fart in front of me.

I dunno, I guess the real REAL problem leads back to the migraines in the first place, because if I didn't have the migraines I wouldn't be taking the Verapamil, and if I wasn't taking the Verapamil I wouldn't be so fiercely constipated right now, and if I wasn't so fiercely constipated I wouldn't be so nervous to be around my boyfriend. Maybe its stupid in the first place to be so worried about appearances at this point, considering that we live together, but I'm so not used to being in the position I feel that I'm in sometimes in this relationship. Don't get me wrong, in no way does my guy make me feel like I do; I do it all to myself 100%. But honestly, sometimes I feel as though I'm the "weak" one, I'm the "gross" one, I'm the "loser", all because of medical and health issues. The migraine problems make me feel weak, the side effects from the pills can make me feel gross, and the both of them combined can make me feel like a HUGE loser.